I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
