he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
