did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
