you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
