george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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