When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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