I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
