I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
