omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
