remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This baby is an asshole
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
