So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
