Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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