It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
