i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
