I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
