There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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