yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize
