I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
