Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
