wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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