Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
