the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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