I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
