Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
