I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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