How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
