So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
