it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
A+ Viking dick
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
