so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
