You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
