They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
