I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
