Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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