so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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