Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
