Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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