They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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