glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
