I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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