Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
