I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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