she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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