I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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