I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
