if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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