Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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