This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
