hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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