I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
