I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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