I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
