she was so not down for the gang bang
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
