i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
