He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
